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Thứ Hai, 14 tháng 8, 2017

What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.

My girlfriend asked me if I liked the nudes she sent me

I told her they came in handy.

An anti-semite is drinking in a bar

An anti-semite is drinking in a bar. He notices a Jew sitting at a table nearby and doesn't like it.

"Bartender!" he says, nodding at the Jew, "A round of the good stuff for everyone except him!"

Everyone happily receives a glass of premium scotch.

The anti-semite looks over at the Jew with a smug grin.

The Jew smiles back.

The anti-semite loses his satisfied expression.

"Bartender! Give everyone a drink of your finest, plus an appetizer!"

He looks directly at the Jew and adds, "Everyone except the Jew."

The Jewish man looks at the anti-semite, and smiles again.

Furious, the anti-semite says, "Is that Jew just stupid or pretending to be?"

"Oh no, sir, he's the owner."

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!" The Teacher fainted.

I was having dinner with my boss and his wife. She asked "How many potatoes would you like?"

I said, "I'll just have one please". She said "It's OK, you don't have to be polite." "Alright, I'll just have one then, you stupid whore".

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Good food, but no atmosphere.

Why does North Korea excel at drawing straight lines?

Because they have a supreme ruler