....it runs in your jeans.
Thứ Tư, 16 tháng 8, 2017
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who's best at his job.
So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it.
Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”
“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”
A Mexican man cannot find work and finally heads home for the evening.
On his way home, he finds a cross at the bottom of a hill. So he kneels and prays to God, "Please God, let me find a way to feed my family".
At the top of this hill, a black man was walking home from grocery shopping when the bottom of his bag gave out and a cheese wheel rolled straight down towards the Mexican man.
When the Mexican man opened his eyes, lo-and-behold, there was a gigantic wheel of cheese at his feet. Overjoyed, he picked up the cheese and ran all the way home. He showed his wife the cheese and said "Look what God has provided us! The most glorious cheese I have ever seen! And, my fair wife, we must make Nachos with this cheese!"
The wife looked perplexed, and asked, "Why husband? Why must we make nachos?"
The man stood up and proclaimed, "Because God talked to me. As I was running home, he kept telling me "That's Not'cho Cheese!!! That's Not'cho Cheese!!!"
(Can't remember the comedian who told this on tv like 25 years ago. But best joke ever)
A cowboy walks into a livery stable and asks for a horse...
"I need a horse, but I'm short on cash. What can I get for $25?" the cowboy asks the owner.
"Well, for fifteen I can give you 'ol Bill. He's seen a few years but he's still a fast horse" replies the owner.
"Why so cheap then?"
"Well, he ain't so good at listening. You see, he gets his Whoas and Giddy-ups mixed-up."
"You're kidding? Well, I don't have much choice. Here's $15, friend."
After he'd payed for the horse the owner went out to the stable to get Bill. When he came back, the cowboy could see that Bill was indeed old, but had very strong legs. After preparing the saddle, the cowboy hopped on Bill.
"Alright, Bill. Giddy-up!"
Bill would not move, not a twitch from his ears.
"C'mon Bill! Giddy-up!" he clicked, kicking the horse with his spurs.
Bill wouldn't budge. Not a swish from his tail. Remembering what the owner had said, the cowboy adjusted his reins and called...
"Whoa, Bill!"
Bill's ears perked, and he flew out of the barn like a bat out of hell. Horse and rider were outside the town in seconds, with a huge dust cloud trailing behind them. Off they went, flying over the Arizona hills. The cowboy could barely hold on to his reins; his feet flailing out behind the stirrups.
Over the next hill the cowboy could see that Bill was running them straight towards the edge of the Grand Canyon. He pulled back on the reins.
"Whoa, Bill! Whoa!" he cried.
Bill kept running. The edge of the precipice coming closer.
"Whoa, Bill! Stop, damn it!"
He suddenly recalled what the owner had said about Bill's mixed-up directions. Taking a deep breath the cowboy closed his eyes and shouted "Giddy-up, Bill!"
Bill came to an abruptly fast stop, just one horse-step away from certain death. The cowboy nearly vaulted over Bill into the vast gorge. Bill panted with exhaustion while the cowboy wiped his brow with his kerchief. From atop Bill, he looked down into the canyon at the dry riverbed far below.
"Whoa, Bill. That was clo--
Đăng ký:
Bài đăng (Atom)