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Thứ Sáu, 25 tháng 8, 2017

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”

“What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”

“Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he just kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was lick the stamps. God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!”

“Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?” “You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!”

How many terrorists jokes are out there?

You'll have to c-4 yourself.

Masturbating while looking in a mirror isn't wrong.

Unless it's a rear view mirror, and you're driving a school bus

My girlfriend broke up with me because she said I was too mysterious

Or did she?

How do you spot a rich Ethiopian?

By the Rolex around his waist.

My Wife told me to take out the spider instead of killing it...

We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.

A Blonde Crashes a helicopter

A passerby jumps out and rushes up to her and exclaims,"What happened!?". She explains,"It got cold so I turned off the fan".