I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant

But then I changed my mind...

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Fitting joke for Hurricane Harvey

This is a Joke my Dad (who is Catholic) once told me when I was young. With Hurricane Harvey currently outside my window, I was reminded of it. Maybe it will give some humor to those currently in worse off areas than I. A woman lives on the Texas coastline. Her town orders her to evacuate, but she refuses saying "Jesus will provide". At first, the storm is light but as the night progresses the wind and rain kill the power. Time passes, and soon the storm surge has her up on the roof of her house. She brings only an electric lantern and prays "Jesus...

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My ex updated her status on Facebook to standing on the edge of a cliff.

So I poked her...

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My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type.

As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him....

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A man noted for telling puns was locked into a dark closet, and told he would not be released until he made up a pun about the situation. He immediately shouted,

"Oh, pun the door"...

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Why did the mermaid rush out of her maths exam, red faced and embarrassed?

Because her algaebra didn't hold up....

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Make love to me like in the movies

My girlfriend and I were having sex the other day when she looked at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies." So I fucked her in the ass, pulled out, and came all over her face and hair. I guess we don't watch the same movies....

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