Why is Jon Snow so ticklish?

Aunts in his pants...

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Trump’s business sought deal on a Trump Tower in Moscow while he ran for president

Trump’s business sought deal on a Trump Tower in Moscow while he ran for president
The deal fell apart in January 2016 on the eve of the presidential primaries.

August 28, 2017 at 12:06PM
via Digg http://ift.tt/2iAZTh1

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A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost...

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: "'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am".

The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude". "You must be a technician." said the balloonist. "I am" replied the man "how did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip with your talk."

The man below responded, "You must be in management". "I am" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the man "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fucking fault!

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What do you call a snake that is exactly 3.14 meters long?

A πthon

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What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig?

The letter F.

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I was at the bank going to withdraw money from my account when the clerk told me I had an outstanding balance

I told her thank you I did gymnastics as a kid.

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A teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.

They were appalled by his leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos, and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," the mother said, "he doesn't seem very nice."

"Oh please, Mom," the daughter replied. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 200 hours of community service?"

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