Because we’re raised differently.
(Moose Allain)
Thứ Năm, 7 tháng 9, 2017
A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining…
… and put his head out the window to check. As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand. He looked up to see where it came from, just in time to see a young woman looking down. "Is this yours?" He asked. She said, "Yes, could you bring it up?" and the man agreed. On arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the man a drink. As she was very attractive, he agreed. Shortly afterwards she said, "I'm about to have dinner. There's plenty. Would you like to join me?" He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal. As the evening was drawing to a close the lady said, "I've had a marvellous evening. Would you like to stay the night?" The man hesitated then said, "Do you act like this with every man you meet?" "No," she replied, "Only those who catch my eye."
An Irish man frees a genie
and happy to be released from his confinement, the genie grants him 3 wishes.
The Irishman thinks about it, and says "I want me a pint of Guinness that is never empty."
So poof a pint appears, filled to the rim with the rich brown drink. The man drinks it down, and when he places it back on the bar, it's filled up again.
"So, what would you like for your other two wishes, sir?"
"I want two more of these, then!"
The year is 2024 and the new POTUS has been elected.
The newly sworn-in president is sitting at the desk in the oval office tending to some paperwork. The doors open and in walk a few secret service agents.
"Excuse us Mr. President, but we were looking over some of the documents about your background and noticed that your physical health and performance records are outdated. We ask that you come with us to perform some tests."
The president agrees, gets up out of his chair and follows the group of agents to a private and secluded athletics field.
"This won't take long Mr. President, simple tests. First off, we need you to do as many push-ups as you can without stopping." and so the president gets down, takes a deep breath and does a strong 62 push-ups.
"Good job sir, next we need you to hold these weights out in front of you and do as many squats as you can without stopping"
The president gets in his best stance and begins squatting. He does a burly 45 squats before giving out.
"Impressive sir, just one more test. We need you to run a mile around this track as fast as you can."
The president tightens the laces on his shoes, adjusts his headband and takes a quick drink of water, then gets on the starting line. The agents count him off and he takes off running. Several minutes later he passes through the finish line sweating and breathing hard.
"Very good sir, that's one of the most impressive mile lap times I've ever seen."
The president says "Am I the best?'
The agent takes a second to flip through some papers on his clipboard before going "Ehh.. not quite. You're second best overall with a time of 10 minutes and 32 seconds."
The president says "What? Who did better than me?"
"Well, Bush did 9:11."
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