Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?

Because if it had 4 doors, it'd be a Chicken Sedan..

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What can you say about your car, but not your girlfriend?

She died last week, but I still use some of the parts

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I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died...

Which was lucky, because he stepped on a Landmine.

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Sometimes I hide my girlfriend's inhaler

So the neighbors think I'm a stud when they hear her panting, "Give it to me!"

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Two Scientists walk into a Bar

One says "I'll have some H20."

The other says "I'll have some H20, too."

The bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical functional of homonyms in coda position as well as pragmatic context.

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What do you call a communist sniper?

a marxman

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A man is late for work, and desperately tries to find a parking space...

His boss has already told him before that if he is late one more time, he'll be fired on the spot.

The man is circling around the parking lot, but still all the spaces are completely full.

Suddenly, the man stops his car, puts his hands together and looks towards the sky.

"Dear Almighty God!" he says, "Please let a space be free! I need this job! I promise if you give me a space, I'll quit smoking, quit drinking and only have sex again once I am married. Please God, help me out..."

Then, when the man looks down, he sees it. A free space, just ahead on his left. It shines in a golden beam of light coming down from the clouds. The man looks up once more and says,

"Actually God, it's alright, I just found a space."

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