I bought a Ouija board recently from a strange old man...

I got it home, laid out the pieces and before I could even ask it a question the planchette started to move around, it eventually spelt I'VE GOT A MESSAGE TO YOU 'What is your message?' I asked. YOU SHOULD BE DANCING Fear started flushing over me, 'Why should I be dancing?' NIGHT FEVER I started to become more confused then frightened now, I needed to get to the bottom of this. 'You're talking gibberish' I shouted! JIVE TALKIN. HOW DEEP IS YOUR LOVE. STAYING ALIVE... 'God damn it!' I shouted. That old bastard sold me a Bee Gee board!...

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Why do you always see teen girls in groups of three?

Because they literally can't even....

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God said “Adam, I want you to do something for me"

Adam said, “Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do ?”  God said, “Go down into that valley”  Adam said, “What’s a valley ?”  God explained it to him.  Then God said “Cross the River." Adam said, “What’s a river ?"  God explained that to him, and then said,  “Go over to the hill …”  Adam said, “What is a hill ?”  So, God explained to Adam what a hill was He told Adam, “On the other side of the hill you...

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This girl said she would go out with me if I knew a six letter word that's a synonym for "calm".

I said, "It's sedate."...

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A kid was doing horribly in math class..

He always brought home an F or C- on his report card. His parents decided to put him in a private catholic school to help him improve. All of a sudden his grades improved drastically. He had an A+ on every report card for Math. His parents finally asked, "Son, what changed? How did you improve so much in your Math class?" He responded, "Well, when I walked in to class on the first day I saw a picture of a man nailed to a plus sign, so I knew they meant business."...

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There's an Army guy and an Air Force guy.

There's an Air Force guy driving from Wagga to Richmond, and an Army guy driving from Richmond to Wagga. In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other head on and both cars go flying off in different directions. The Air Force guy manages to climb out of his car and surveys the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says,"Man, I am really lucky to be alive!" Likewise the Army guy scrambles out of his car and looks at his wreckage. He too says to himself, "I can't believe I survived this wreck!" The Army guy walks...

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My wife is like gravity

Always there, and constantly bringing me down...

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