A girl I know said the last time she had sex, it was like the men's Olympic 100m finals

I laughed, "Over in 9.5 seconds?" "No," she said, "Eight black men and a gun."...

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A boy is loudly praying, "God please give me a bicycle."

His mom asks, "why are you praying so loudly? God isn't hard of hearing." The boy replies, "yes but grandma is."...

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What does the L stand for in Samuel L Jackson?

Motherfucker....

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A lot of my friends tell me I'd look good in a straitjacket

But I don't think I could pull if off...

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A bank robber pulls out gun points it at the teller, and says,

"Give me all the money or you're geography!" The puzzled teller replies, "Did you mean to say 'or you're history?'" The robber says, "Don't change the subject!"...

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A dad is washing the car with his son.

After a moment, the son asks his father, "Do you think we could use a sponge instead?"...

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To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money.

On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches....

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