To beat the crowd
Thứ Hai, 2 tháng 10, 2017
A woman awakens during the night to find her husband was not in bed.
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter, dear?", she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of the night?".
The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
"Yes, I do" she replies.
The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?".
"Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or i'll send you to jail for 20 years?"
"I remember that too" she replied softly. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said,
"I would have gotten out today."
Did you know penguins scream during sex?
Maybe not all of them? But definitely the one I cornered at the zoo.
Edit: of all the jokes? Really? Y'all is sick I love it
A man goes to the circus.
After the show he speaks to the manager and asks for a job.
-"Alright, what can you do?", the manager asks.
-"I can do great bird impressions", the man replies.
-"Pssh, a lot of people can do that".
-"Oh well", the man says and flies away.
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