I am LIVID.
Thứ Năm, 5 tháng 10, 2017
Three guys had a very late night drinking
They left in the early morning hours and each went home. The next day, they all met for an early pint and compared notes about who was drunker the night before.
The first guy claims that he was the drunkest, saying, "I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks."
The second guy said, "You think that was drunk? Hell, I got into my car and wrapped it around the first tree I saw. And I don't even have insurance!"
The third guy proclaimed, "Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home, I got into a big fight with my wife, knocked a candle over, and burned the whole house down!"
The room was silent for a moment.
Then, the first guy spoke out again, "Listen, guys, I don't think you understand...Chunks is my dog."
The Rich Husband
A cell phone on a bench in the locker room of a gym rang and the man next to it put it on speaker, so everybody could hear.
Everybody immediately stopped talking to listen in on the conversation.
WOMAN - "Hello?"
MAN - "Hello."
WOMAN - "Hi, honey, are you at the club?"
MAN - "Yes."
WOMAN - "I've been shopping around and found a beautiful leather coat, and it only costs $2000. Can I get it?"
MAN - "If you really like it, sure."
WOMAN - "I also stopped by the car dealership, and there's a new model that I really like."
MAN - "How much is it?"
WOMAN - "$90,000"
MAN - "Sure, get it, but for that price, I want all options."
WOMAN - "Great, and one last thing."
MAN - "What is it?"
WOMAN - "I was talking to Sarah a couple hours ago, and the house I really wanted to get two years ago is back on the market now."
MAN - "How much is it?"
WOMAN - "It's $980,000."
MAN - "Alright, offer $900,000. They'll probably take it. If not, another $80,000 is worth it if you really like it."
WOMAN - "Okay, I'll see you later! I love you so much!"
MAN - "Bye, I love you too."
The man then hung up. The other men in the locker room were looking at him with surprised faces. The man looked at them and said "Anybody know whose phone this is?"
EDIT: Formatting
Google's New Live-Translating Earbuds Look Pretty Incredible
Google's New Live-Translating Earbuds Look Pretty Incredible
Of course, this is a choreographed demo, so we should wait to see how this performs in the real world, but our first impression is, well, wow.
October 5, 2017 at 01:15AM
via Digg http://ift.tt/2fPLP2q
Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married...
Saw this on Spotted Portsmouth:
Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married...
The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!' Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
(Even when totally smashed.... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the least.
Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'
When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh sh1t.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.
Đăng ký:
Bài đăng (Atom)