my beer belly last night and said,
"Is that Corona or Heineken??"
I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out."
Chủ Nhật, 8 tháng 10, 2017
This asshole looked at
Jack wakes up with a horrible hangover and a throbbing black eye.
The first thing he sees is a single rose on the side table and a note from his wife: “Dear, breakfast is made. I’ve gone shopping to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you!”
He stumbles to the kitchen and, sure enough, there’s breakfast. “Joe,” he says to his son, “what happened last night?”
“You came home soused and got that black eye tripping over a chair.”
“So, why the rose, breakfast, and sweet note from your mother?”
“Oh, that. Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take off your clothes, you screamed, ‘Leave me alone, I’m married!’”
I went by the house where I grew up in yesterday
and asked to go in to look around, but they said no and shut the door in my face.
My parents can be so fucking rude.
Thứ Bảy, 7 tháng 10, 2017
A man goes on a date
Friend: 'How did your date go?'
Man: 'I talked too much about my obsession with simplifying fractions'
Friend: 'That wasn't a very good idea'
Man: 'Yeah, well hindsight is 1'
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