A million or more lab rats die each year and my fiance screams at me for running over a mouse.

That's the last time we're going to Disney....

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My favourite sex position is the JFK

I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car....

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My friend's girlfriend is 6 months pregnant, they asked if I wanna put my hand on the baby.

Apparently they meant from the outside....

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Did you know penguins scream whilst having sex?

Maybe not all of them? But definitely the one I cornered at the Zoo....

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Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?

Classical conditioning...

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This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at boobs and she said "Press One?" So I did... I don't remember much after that....

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My sister made me some coffee today

Me: You make a mean cup of coffee, sis Her: It was good? Me: I just said it was average....

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