(LONG) A young guy from Nebraska moves to Florida ..

..and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says, "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Omaha." Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow." I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today? The kid says, "One". The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average...

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Queen Elizabeth, Vladimir Putin, and George Bush die in a plane crash...

While waiting in line in hell the Devil asks them if they’d like to make a phone call back to earth, he warns them it will be expensive. Vladimir goes first, he calls a few of his comrades, and is off the phone in 2 minutes. The devil tells him that’ll be $2 million. He says he doesn’t have that so the devil burns him up and send him on his way. The Queen is next, she call her grandchildren but keeps it very short. After a minute she gets off the phone, reaches into here hat and hands the devil the required $1 million. Finally George Bush get...

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1990 Grandpa: "Get off my lawn, you little brats!"

2048 Grandpa: "Get off my LAN faggots"...

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Man to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl”

The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.” Man: “And that frees me from my sin?” Priest: “No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.”...

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Three boys were talking after school...

Three boys were talking after school while waiting for their fathers to pick them up. The first one boasts: "My dad is a Formula One driver. He finishes work at 5:00 and picks me up at 5:15." The second boy says: "That's nothing. My dad is a jet pilot. He finishes work at 5:00 and picks me up at 5:05!" The last boy looks at his companions and says: "Pfff.... amateurs! My dad works for the government. He finishes work at 5:00 and picks me up at 4:45!"...

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What's the difference between "To Catch a Predator" and Harvey Weinstein?

One stars molesters, while the other molests stars....

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A little Muslim kid can't find his mother in the supermarket

The store attendant asks, "What does your mother look like?" The kid says.. "I have no fucking idea."...

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