A guy walks into a bar and sees a 12 inch man playing the piano

So the guy walks up to the bartender and asks “where did you find a guy that’s a foot tall and can play the piano?” Bartender: I wished for him Guy: yeah, like I’m gonna believe that Bartender: no seriously, here you make a wish So the bartender hands the man a magical genie lamp, and all of the sudden a million ducks appear out of nowhere. Guy: what is this I wished for a million bucks not a million ducks Bartender: and you think I wished for a 12inch pianist....

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Me: "Gee honey, it sure is muggy out today!"

Her: "If I walk outside and all of our mugs are on the front porch, I'm leaving you." Me: sips coffee from a bowl...

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I bought a racehorse today, I called him My Face.

I don't care if he doesn't win, I just want to hear a load of posh twats shouting, "Come on My Face."...

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What do you call the gap between a pair of fake tits?

Silicone Valley....

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The Spookiest Ghost Stories From All 50 States

The Spookiest Ghost Stories From All 50 States From heartbroken brides to spectral oenophiles, America is a melting pot of otherworldly entities who have staked a spiritual claim in every crack and cranny of the country. October 13, 2017 at 09:17PM via Digg http://ift.tt/2zm7g...

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Bob came home drunk one night

slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Bob....' Bob was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!' St.. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.' Bob was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.... The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground. A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're...

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What does every women in the world want?

Nothing, they're fine....

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