One or two? One or two?
Thứ Ba, 17 tháng 10, 2017
A college student could not take his seminar final exam because of a funeral.
"No problem," the teacher told him. "Make it up the following week." That week came, and again he couldn't take the test due to another funeral.
"You'll have to take the test early next week," the professor insisted. "I can't keep postponing it."
"I'll take the test next week if no one dies," the undergrad replied.
By now I the instructor was suspicious. "How can you have so many people you know pass away in three weeks?"
"I don't know any of these people," the student exclaimed. "But I'm the only gravedigger in town."
Yesterday my brother uploaded a status on Facebook.
He wrote in his facebook status "I love my girlfriend <3"
I knew that he liked them young but this is getting out of hand.
Thứ Hai, 16 tháng 10, 2017
There was a lady with 3 sons, named Rain, Snow and Brick
Rain asked his mom, “Why is my name ‘Rain’?” “Because a raindrop fell on your head when you were born.” Then Snow asked his mom, “Why is my name ‘Snow’?” “Because a snowflake fell on your head when you were born.” Then Brick asked his mom, “NYANYANYANYA”
There was once a land, far away, and many years ago, that had three kingdoms around a triangular lake.
There was once a land far away and many years ago that had three kingdoms around a triangular lake. They often warred and casualties were fierce. So they agreed to hold a tournament of all their champions on an island in the middle of the lake. The first being rich and influential sent twenty Knights and thirty squires with many horses and wagons laden with food and wine. The second being well-off sent ten knights and twenty squires as well as several wagons of food and drink. The last kingdom had only one knight who was very aged and rather decrepit and had but the one squire. They brought with them a single iron pot and a horse with food enough for the journey. The first evening much revelry was had- wine was shared and spilled in equal measure great haunches of meat were roasted and cut and all are well. The old knight counseled that there were rats on the island and food should be moved off the ground to avoid them spreading plague. The Knights and squires of the first and second kingdoms disregarded his advice saying "Pfah! What does he know? We are so many no rats would dare bother us!" But the squire of the third kingdom listened attentively to his old knight and hauled their old iron pot on a rope over a branch preventing the rats from finding it. In the morning all the warriors of the first two kingdoms were ill finding rat droppings in their food and sleeping-things and several of them could barely even stand, let alone fight. That night the partying was subdued but still jubilant. Old grudges were settled by the fireside tales of heroism told and retold and many casks of wine were emptied and tossed aside. Again the old knight counseled the gathered warriors. He warned them that bandits had long preyed on dwellers of this island, making off with any valuables they could. "Pfah! What does the old man know?" They cried well into their cups. "Surely no bandit would trouble such an assembled group of warriors!" But the lone squire from the third kingdom listened intently to his wise old master and hung a noose beside their pot dangling from the tree so that bandits might see the penalty for troubling them and be warned away. The day of the tournament came and the Knights and squires of the first and second kingdoms emerged from their tents to find their fine armour and weapons stolen in the night by bandits. Amazed they hunted around but even their horses were gone. The Knights could not fight at all and only a very few of their squires could craft cudgels with which to do battle. But the crafty squire of the third kingdom had warned bandits away and his battered old pot helm and coat of plates and his dented old sword were safe in his tent. He took to the field under the gaze of his master and although the other squires allied against him, he defeated those who were well and well-armoured enough to fight him. And thus we learned that the squire of the high pot and noose was equal to the sum of squires on the other two sides.
Anal invitation
"Let's go to your place." Said a fat girl.
"I would love to, but i don't have any lubricant"
"I don't think it's necessary, i'm not that tight" says the girl while smiling.
"Maybe you're not, but my door is."
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