What's the difference between a Taliban Base and a hospital?

I don't know, I just fly the drone

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The CEO of Pepsi was fired this morning.

They found trace amounts of Coke in his system.

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A little Tap on the Driver's Shoulder By the Passenger.

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much."

The driver replied, "Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver – I’ve been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."

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Welsh pub

One day a man walked into a pub in Wales and ordered a pint of beer.

All the other men in the bar looked at him and the bartender asked, "You're not from around here, are you lad?"

"No," replied the man, "I'm from London."

"So, boyo," said the bartender, "What do you do for a living then?"

"I'm a taxidermist." Replied the man.

"A taxidermist?" asked the barman, "What's one of them do?"

"Well," replied the man, "I mount animals."

The bartender then turned to all the other welshmen in the bar and said, "It's o.k. lads, he's one of us!"

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What do you call a stolen tesla?

An Edison

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To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket...

You can hide, but you can't run.

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If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there.

If you're almost there and then she laughs, that's a different thing.

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