FunnyStory about animals and all around the world
Funny Video about animals and all around the world! :)
Funny picture about animals and all around the world :)
Play game and comfortable :)
Go to Blogger edit html and find these sentences.Now replace these sentences with your own descriptions.
Thinking this to be strange, the man asks the person sitting next to the empty seat if he knows who sits there. The guy replies: Well, I bought two tickets for my wife and I a long time ago, but she passed away. So the man asks: Couldn't you have brought someone else?
"They're all at the funeral."
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"
"Sorry about this guys," says St. Peter. "God didn't realize just how many people would get into heaven, so we have a new policy. You now have to tell me the story of how you died, and if I think it's sad or interesting enough, I'll let you in."
He walks up to the first man who is a nerdy, bookish sort in a bad business suit and says, "Tell me your story."
"Okay," says the man. "I thought I had a wonderful life. I had a beautiful wife and we had a lovely place on the 34th floor of an apartment building. I came home from work early today, and I saw my beautiful wife sleeping naked in bed with another man's clothes on the floor. So of course I started looking for the bastard who slept with my wife."
"Like I said, I lived in an apartment. There weren't that many places to hide, but I couldn't find him anywhere! Just when I was about to go confront my wife, I see him. The bastard was hiding outside the window, holding onto the windowsill. I go up to him and started stomping on his hands over and over again, but he wouldn't let go. I finally kicked him in the face and he fell. Unfortunately, he landed on a bush and bounced to safety. In my anger, I grabbed my refrigerator and throw it out after him. However, the cord from the refrigerator wrapped around my leg and pulled me to my death."
St. Peter nods and says, "You're story is acceptable. Welcome to heaven." He goes to the second man a brawny working-man type and says, "What's your story?"
"I'm a window washer," says the man. "I've been a window washer for over 20 years. Well today, I'm washing the windows of the 35th floor of this apartment building when my scaffolding breaks. I thought I was going to die, but I manage to catch myself on the windowsill of the story below. All of a sudden this maniac comes out and starts mashing my fingers. I try my best to hold on, but he kicks me in the face and I fall. Once again, I thought I was going to die, but I land on this hedge and bounce away no worse for the wear. I look up and BOOM. Dead. Last thing I saw was a refrigerator."
St. Peter holds back a chuckle and lets him into heaven. He goes to the third man, a ridiculously handsome fellow with sandy-blonde hair, and asks, "What's your story?"
"Alright," says the man. "Picture this. You just got finished banging some dude's wife. He comes home. You hide in the refrigerator."
As he was running he came upon a giraffe. This giraffe was about to shoot up some heroin. The rabbit looked at he giraffe for a moment and then said, "Giraffe, don't do heroin. Heroin is a drug, and drugs are bad for you. Come running with me through the forest." The giraffe looked at the rabbit, then at the heroin, then back at the Rabbit, and then threw the needle away. The two then proceeded to run though the forest.
While running through the forest they came upon a sheep. This sheep was about to smoke a joint. The rabbit looked at he sheep for a moment and then said, "Sheep, don't smoke pot. Pot is a drug, and drugs are bad for you. Come running with us through the forest.
The sheep looked at the rabbit, then at the joint, then back at the rabbit, and then threw the joint away. The three then proceeded to run through the forest.
The three then stumbled upon a tiger. This tiger was about to crack open a cold beer. The rabbit looked at the tiger for a second and then said, "Tiger, don't drink alcohol. Alcohol is a drug, and drugs are bad for you. Come running with us through the forest!"
The Tiger then looked at the rabbit, then at the beer, then back at the rabbit, and then cracked open the beer and carefully placed it on the ground next to him. He then proceeded to slowly walk over to the rabbit, lifted his paw up, and then mauled the shit out of the rabbit. After he was done he slowly walked back to the beer, picked it up and started drinking it.
The giraffe and the sheep were shocked. The giraffe looked at the tiger and said, "Dude!!! What the fuck? He was just trying to help you!!! Why did you hurt him?"
The tiger slowly looked at the giraffe and then said, "Because every time that rabbit does cocaine I end up running through the fucking forest!!!"
Customer: Cargo space?
Me: Car no do that. Car no fly.
Manager: Can I see you in my office?
The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.