My brother just threw a milk carton at me

How dairy.

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My 8 Year Old Nephew Had A Joke To Say

“What did the ant say to the other ant?” “I dunno, what?” “Nothing, ants communicate using pheromones, not speech.” “Yeah, that’s not really a joke kid.” He was quiet for a moment, and looked at the ground. “It’s an ant-y joke, asshole.”

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As I watched the dog chasing his tail, I thought, "Dogs are easily amused"...

Then I realized I was watching a dog chasing his tail.

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My brother went to jail. He didn't take it very well. He was yelling insults and attacking everyone, he even threw his faeces on the wall.

I don't think we will play Monopoly with him again.

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A dad walks in on his daughter having sex with her boyfriend...

...she looks at him "dad, I'm sorry" he says "Hi sorry, I'm dad" then he turns to the boyfriend and asks "Are you fucking Sorry!?"

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A cab driver reaches the pearly gates. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book and tells him to pick up a gold staff and a silk robe and proceed into Heaven.

Next in line is a preacher. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book, furrows his brow and says, "OK, we'll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff."

The preacher is shocked and replies, "But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie!"

St. Peter responds matter-of-factly, "This is Heaven and up here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed."

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If your phone auto corrects "fuck" to "duck," it's okay to keep it...

It's still fowl language.

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