He’s gonna take another stab at it.
Thứ Bảy, 4 tháng 11, 2017
A woman decided to end her life by jumping into the ocean.
A young New York woman was so depressed she decided to end her life by jumping into the ocean from a bridge.
Just before she could throw herself in, a handsome young man stopped her. "You have so much to live for," he said. "I'm a sailor and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy. When we get to Italy you will be SO GLAD you're alive"
With nothing to lose and always wanting to see Italy, she accepted.
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the ship's hold.
From then on, every night, he would bring her sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn.
Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection. "What are you doing here?" asked the captain. "I have an arrangement with a sailor," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy." "I see," The captain says.
Then her conscience got the best of her, and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me." "He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
I took my daughter out for her first drink...
While reading an article about fathers and sons drinking together, I remembered the time I took my daughter out for her first drink.
Off we went to our local bar only two blocks from the house.
I got her a Guinness. She didn't like it, so I drank it.
Then I got her a Killian's she didn't like that either, so I drank it.
Finally, I thought she might like some Harp Lager? She didn't. I drank it.
I thought maybe she'd like whisky better than beer so we tried a Jameson's; nope!
In desperation, I had her try that 25 year old Glenfidich. The bar's finest scotch. She wouldn't even smell it. What could I do but drink it!
By the time I realized she just didn't like to drink, I was so shit-faced I could hardly push her stroller back home!!!
I went to a pub last night and saw a fat girl dancing on a table...
I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so."
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
Guy Makes A Commercial For His Girlfriend's Used '96 Honda, And It's Absolutely Brilliant
Guy Makes A Commercial For His Girlfriend's Used '96 Honda, And It's Absolutely Brilliant
Max Lanman's girlfriend was looking to sell her car, a 1996 Honda Accord with 141,095 miles, so he stepped up to the plate to help out. Big time.
November 3, 2017 at 10:49PM
via Digg http://ift.tt/2zdjrwE
The First Time!!!!
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be really going for it....it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents' house and meets his girlfriend at the door.
'Oh,' she said 'I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!' The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious.'
The boy turns, and whispers back, 'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.'
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