A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN...

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure...

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.

And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

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A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked

A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours."

The guy left. A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours."

The guy left. A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half."

The guy left. The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor, follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back."

A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So, where does he go when he leaves?"

Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, "Your house!"

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Why are Catholic priests called "Father?"

Because "Daddy" would be too suspicious.

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If I see one more fucking post about Net Neutrality

I'll have to pay for it.

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Why do Bald Men have holes in their pockets?

So they can run their fingers through their hair.

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A barber got arrested..

A barber got arrested in my area for dealing drugs and I’m totally shook. I’ve been his customer for years and never knew he was a barber.

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I had a dream where I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.

I was like 0mg

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