An Afghan man named Ahmed is walking down a dirt road with his wife ahead of him a few steps.

He meets another man going the opposite way. "Salam aleikum, brother" he says. "Aleikum Assalam" replies Ahmed. "Did you know that the Great Prophet would never allow a woman to walk ahead of him?" asks the man. Ahmed replies, "And did you know that there were no minefields in the time of the Prophet?" He then turns to the wife, "Keep walking, Saida."...

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A doctor hands a new father his newborn baby and says, "I'm sorry, your wife didn't make it..."

The father says, "then hand me the one that my wife made!"...

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"Sir, we're mining too many useless mineral ores."

Hitler: "Mine less, then." Grammar Nazi bursts in: "MINE FEWER." Hitler looks over: "Yes?"...

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I was originally ok with my wife getting a white noise machine in our bedroom

turns out falling asleep to country music is harder than I thought...

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What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver

One goes WHACK “FUCK” And the other goes “FUCK” WHACK...

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An older man and his grandson are on a plane when one of the engines starts to fail.

Realizing they are still flying over a mountain range and have nowhere safe to put down, the pilot and co-pilot devise a plan to keep the plane aloft in the sky for everyone's safety. The pilot grabs his microphone and announces to the passengers, "Hello passengers, this is your captain speaking. As I'm sure some of you have noticed, one of the engines is sputtering black smoke and we are losing altitude at a somewhat alarming rate. I want to assure you that I have no intention of crashing into the mountains, so in an effort to remain in the sky...

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Andy was sent to prison

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time. After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community... and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over. The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen...

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