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Thứ Năm, 7 tháng 12, 2017

An Air Force guy and an Army guy

There's a soldier from the Air Force driving from Richmond to Wagga, and an Army guy driving from Wagga to Richmond. In the middle of the night, around 2am, with no other cars on the road, they hit each other and both cars go flying off in different directions. The Air Force guy manages to climb out of his car and surveys the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says,"Wow, I am really lucky to be alive!" Likewise the Army guy scrambles out of his car and looks at his wreckage. He too says to himself, "I can't believe I survived the accident!" The Army guy walks over to the Air Force guy and says, "Hey, I think this is a sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of archrivals" The Air Force guy thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. Now I'm gonna see what else survived this wreck" So the Air Force guy pops open his boot and finds a full, unopened bottle of Jack Daniels. He says to the Army guy, "I think this is another sign from God that we should toast to our new found understanding and friendship" The Army guy replies, "Yeah, you're right!" and he grabs the bottle and starts sucking down Jack Daniels. After putting away nearly half the bottle the Army guy hands it back to the Air Force guy and says, "Now it's your turn!" The Air Force guy twists the cap back on the bottle and says, "No thanks, I think I'll wait for the cops to show up."

I went to the local liquor store on my bicycle the other day

I bought a nice bottle of scotch and put it in my basket.. I was afraid that if I fell over the bottle might break so instead of risking it I drank the bottle right there.

Turned out to be a smart thing to do because I must have fallen 12 times on my short way back home..

How do you spot a blind guy at a nude beach?

It's not hard.

A son asks his father, “Dad, what's a dilemma?”

“Well, Son, imagine you were lying in bed, naked, and, to one side, is a beautiful, young, nude woman, and, to the other side, is a very muscular, gay man; who ya gonna turn your back on?”

Edit: Words, man. Sometimes I fuck 'em up. Fixed a typo.

Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

Me: "I'd say my biggest weakness is listening"

As a child, I always thought of my dad as a superhero

The Invisible Man

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