Earlier last year my friend had been in a coma for years. The doctors tried everything and told us to pray for a miracle.
And then one day his nurse came and switched the TV to Trump's campaign, he woke up and turned it off.
Chủ Nhật, 10 tháng 12, 2017
A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale...
...sucking in his stomach. “Ha! That’s not going to help,” she said.
“Sure, it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
A man absolutely hated his wife's CAT
A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there. Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?" "Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?" Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a bitch on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!"
Two old rednecks were sitting outside of a gas station...
Between them there was an old hound dog laying on the concrete, licking it's balls.
One redneck was looking at the dog and said "I really wish I could do that!"
The other redneck looks down and says, "Well, you can try, but he'll probably bite ya."
Guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch
Bartender says “Man if you want punch you have to stand in line.” Guy looks around but there is no punchline
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