A Teacher asks the students .....

"Is it possible to insert 2 holes through one hole?"

Nobody is able to answer

Teacher: "You guys are so stupid. Go and ask your parents and come back tomorrow with an answer."

The next day too, nobody is able to answer the question.

Teacher: "Well, it seems your parents are stupid as well. See the answer is so simple."

Then the teacher makes a circle using his thumb and index finger and keeps it in front of his nostrils.

Teacher: "See, it was so simple, yet nobody was able to answer."

The next day, a student comes up to the teacher and says, "Sir, my father has asked if it's possible to insert 7 holes through one hole?"

Teacher: "No, that's impossible."

Students: "It is possible, my father said."

Teacher : "How?"

Student: "Take a flute and shove it up your ass."

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Today I saw two blind people fighting...

Today I saw two blind people fighting... Then I shouted, "I'm rooting for the one with a knife!" They both ran away.

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Man Runs In Front Of Car, He Gets Tired

Man Runs Behind Car, He Gets Exhausted.

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My wife bites her lip to look sexy

I just don't have the heart to tell her you're meant to bite the bottom lip.

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I was talking to a friend's little girl...

I was talking to a friend’s little girl, and she said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, ‘If you were to be the President, what is the first thing you would do?’

She replied, ‘I’d give food and houses to all the homeless people.’ ‘Wow - what a worthy goal.’ I told her, ‘You don’t have to wait until you’re President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow, pull weeds, and sweep my sidewalks and driveway, and I’ll pay you $50. Then I’ll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food or a new house.’

She thought that over for a few seconds ‘cause she’s only 6. And while her Mom glared at me, the little girl looked me straight in the eye and asked, “Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?”

And I said, “Welcome to the..."

And then she interupted me and said "Have you asked if he wants to?"

And I said "Shut up you little shit, that's not the point, you're ruining my narrative."

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What's the similarity between dark humor and food?

Some people don't get it.

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My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them...

I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering...do I keep the letters?

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