My joke about capital punishment got downvoted.

I guess it was great concept, poor execution.

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A man accidentally elbows a woman's boob

as she is standing behind him in a hotel lobby. The man apologizes profusely and says "if your heart is as soft as your breasts, I know you'll forgive me."

To which the woman replied "if your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 318."

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What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit ..."

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I just found out I'm colorblind.

The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

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Communists and Trump supporters really aren't all that different...

They both want a world with no class.

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I went for an interview to become a blacksmith

They asked if I had ever shooed a horse. I said "No, but I've told a donkey to fuck off"

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Why is obesity not a problem in Japan?

Because the last time they had a fat man there. Several thousand people died.

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