A first grade class walks in from recess...

The teacher asks Sarah: What did you do doing recess? Sarah replied: I played in the sandbox. The teacher says: “That’s good. Go to the blackboard and if you can write ‘sand’ correctly I’ll give you a fresh-baked cookie. She does and gets a cookie. The teacher asks Morris what he did at recess. Morris said: “I played with Sarah in the sandbox” The teacher says: “Good, if you can write ‘box’ correctly on the blackboard I’ll give you a fresh-baked cookie” Morris does and gets a cookie. The teacher then asks Mustaffa Abdul Machmoud what he did at...

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I hate it when homeless people shake their change cups at me.

I get it, you have more money than me. No need to be a dick about it....

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A cop stopped a guy for speeding...

He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?" "I was trying to keep up with traffic," he replied. He said, "There is no traffic." And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."...

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I was pretty excited when I heard Logan Paul went into a suicide forest

A little upset to find out he came back...

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Door to door Vaseline survey

(this might have made more sense back in the days when people actually went door-to-door instead of having everything on the net) A man knocks on the door of a house, and a lady in her late 20's answers. "Good afternoon, ma'am, I'm a representative of the Vaseline Petrolium Jelly company, and we're doing a survey about our product. Do you have a couple of moments?" She says "Why yes, sure. Go ahead" "First, do you use our product in your home?" "Yes, certainly." "May I ask what you might use the product for?" "Oh, probably all the expected things....

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My girlfriend was down with the flu, but still insisted on having sex.

What a sick fuck....

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I tried to share a bag of chips with a homeless person on the street.

He told me to fuck off and buy my own....

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