Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States

Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S. One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.' The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend. "Which part did you get?"...

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A married man went into the confessional

A married man went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.' The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?' The man said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.' The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.' The man left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest,...

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A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha­­! That’s not going to help,” she said.

“Sure, it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”...

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Kim Jong Un is sitting in his office. He proudly tells his advisors:

“North Korea will be the first country to send people to the sun!” His advisors break out in applause. Meanwhile Donald Trump is watching this live on TV. He calls Kim Jong Un and asks him: “How are you going to send people to the sun? It’s too hot!” Kim Jong Un replies by saying to his advisors: “What an idiot! We can send them at night!” His advisors break out in applause. On hearing this Donald Trump says to his advisors: “What an idiot!… There is no sun at night!”...

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What did the Dorito Farmer say to the other Dorito Farmer?

Cool Ranch...

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My stolen card

Police : why didn't you report the stolen credit card ? Me : The thief was spending less than my wife...

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One day Canada will take over the world

Then we'll all be sorry...

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