If you buy a goat for $10 and named him Mohammed, then sell it for $15.

Did you make a prophet?

Read More

When I noticed “HI” in the alphabet, I thought someone was actually going to be my friend...

Then I saw the next two letters...

Read More

Did you hear about the drummer who gave all his daughters the same name?

Anna 1 Anna 2 Anna 3 Anna 4

Read More

A Rottweiler, Pit Bull, and Great Dane are in kennels at the vet.

The Rott says "my owner's kid got close to my bowl while I was eating so I bit her face. I'm here to be put down."

The Pit says "I keep getting nervous and pissing all over the carpet. My owner's sick of it and I'm here to be put down."

The Dane says "My owner is a beautiful 22 year old college student. One day she got out of the shower and was bending over to dry off. I couldn't help myself so I mounted her and fucked her brains out."

The other dogs shake their heads "so she's putting you down too."

The Dane looks surprised. "What? No, I'm here to get my nails trimmed."

Read More

The opposite of an assassin is

a dickdickout

Read More

You know what separates the men from the boys?

Social services.

Read More

I just read a joke about Oedipus and Midas

It was motherfucking gold.

Read More