Someone gave me a book on anger Management

I lost it

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You know what is brave? Running against a wall completely naked with a boner.

You know what is embarrassing? Breaking your nose doing it.

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If you buy a goat for $10 and named him Mohammed, then sell it for $15.

Did you make a prophet?

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When I noticed “HI” in the alphabet, I thought someone was actually going to be my friend...

Then I saw the next two letters...

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Did you hear about the drummer who gave all his daughters the same name?

Anna 1 Anna 2 Anna 3 Anna 4

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A Rottweiler, Pit Bull, and Great Dane are in kennels at the vet.

The Rott says "my owner's kid got close to my bowl while I was eating so I bit her face. I'm here to be put down."

The Pit says "I keep getting nervous and pissing all over the carpet. My owner's sick of it and I'm here to be put down."

The Dane says "My owner is a beautiful 22 year old college student. One day she got out of the shower and was bending over to dry off. I couldn't help myself so I mounted her and fucked her brains out."

The other dogs shake their heads "so she's putting you down too."

The Dane looks surprised. "What? No, I'm here to get my nails trimmed."

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The opposite of an assassin is

a dickdickout

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