Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.
Thứ Năm, 1 tháng 2, 2018
A guy walks into a bar and sees a jar of $100 bills on the counter
He asks the bartender "Hey, what's with the jar?"
The bartender replies "Well, we have a running challenge here in the bar. It has three parts. If you look at the end there, you'll see Big Jim. Big Jim is the baddest motherfucker in town. You have to knock Big Jim out."
The guy looks down to see a 6'4 300lb guy and says "Well, I don't think I can do that. What's the other two parts?"
"After that, you have to go outside. Around back is where we keep Big Jim's dog. He's the baddest junkyard dog you've ever seen. You have to go get a tooth out of his mouth. And then, when you're done with that you have to go upstairs. There you'll find Big Jim's mom. She's 70 years old and never had an orgasm in her life. You've gotta go up there and fuck her to completion."
The man says "Wow, I can see why the jar is so full."
After a few hours of drinking the man get sloppy drunk and says "Fuck it," slaps down a $100 and jumps up on the bar and runs down and kicks Big Jim square in the jaw knocking him out cold. The bartender is stunned, as this is the furthest anyone has made it. The man runs outside to the cheers of the patrons and everyone hears snarling and growling and grows silent. Moments later they hear the dog whimper and then yelp, then nothing.
Moments later the man drunkenly stumbles back in and says "Alright, now where's the old lady with the tooth?"
Man goes to the doctor (NSFW)
A man goes to the doctor for a prostate check.
The doctor is examining him when he discovers bank notes in the man's rectum.
He pulls them out and counts them, he says to the patient; "You're not going to believe this, but I've just found £1950 up your arse."
"Ah, that makes sense," the patient says; "I thought I wasn't feeling too grand."
A elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest
“Father, I’m 80 years old, married, have four kids and eleven healthy grandchildren, and last night I had an affair with two 18 year old girls. I made love with both of them… twice.”
The priest said, “Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?”
“Never Father… I’m Jewish.”
“So then, why are you telling me?”
“I’m telling everybody!”
How to Not Die in America
How to Not Die in America
I am lucky not for surviving a severe bacterial infection, but for being a member of a shrinking class of Americans whose lives can absorb a trauma of this magnitude.
February 1, 2018 at 04:30AM
via Digg http://ift.tt/2nvn9Mz
A young boy is bathing with his mother
Boy says, “Whats that hairy thing mom?”
Mom replies, “That is my sponge.”
“Oh yes,” says the boy, “The babysitters got one, I’ve seen her washing dads face with it.”
Đăng ký:
Nhận xét (Atom)