Blonde starts shouting: "HELP! HELP!"
Brunette turns to her and says: "We should shout together."
Blonde: "TOGETHER! TOGETHER!"
Thứ Hai, 5 tháng 2, 2018
A woman gets home from work and hears her husband call out from the bedroom...
Husband: can you come here and help me with this clock?
The woman walks in the room and sees her husband sitting at the edge of their bed with a raging hard-on
Wife: thats not a clock
Husband: it will be when you put two hands and a face on it.
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when
a Lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey
“Hey! what are you doing?”
The monkey says “Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.”
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is ‘dry’, and that he’s going to get a drink from the river.
At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side.
He then asks the lizard, “What’s the matter with you?!”
The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!
The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check what type of joint Monkey is smoking. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint.
He looks up and says “Hey, MONKEY!”
The Monkey looks down and says “FUUUUUCK, DUDE……. how much water did you drink?”
A man goes to the doctor, complaining of severe headaches.
They try several treatments, but none work.
One day, the doctor says, "I know this will sound crazy, but I used to have headaches like yours. One night I was with my wife, and I went down on her. Just as she was about to climax she would squeeze my head really hard with her thighs, and my headache would go away. It works every time."
The guy says, "At this point, I'll try anything!”
A couple of weeks later, the guy stops by the doctor's office again, "Doc, I don't know how to thank you. I took your advice, and you were right, as soon as she squeezed my head with her thighs, my headache went away. It's a miracle!”
The doctor says, "That’s fantastic, I'm glad I could help."
The guy turns to leave and says, "Well, thanks again doc. Oh, and by the way, you have a beautiful home."
Chủ Nhật, 4 tháng 2, 2018
An escaped convict was on the run:
An escaped convict, imprisoned for 1st degree murder, had managed to break out of prison.
While on the run, he broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. He tied them to some chairs, across the room from each other.
He went over to the the woman, and appeared to be kissing her neck. Suddenly he stood up and went into the bathroom. As soon as he had left, the husband shifted his way across the room to his wife, his chair in tow, and whispered, "Baby, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw him kissing your neck. Just cooperate and do anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives depend on it! Be strong and I love you."
After a second, the wife says: "Dear, I'm so relieved you feel that way. Because he wasn't kissing my neck... He was whispering in my ear. He said he thinks you're really cute and asked if we had any vaseline. I told him we kept it in the bathroom. Be strong and I love you."
Đăng ký:
Bài đăng (Atom)