I’ve googled “how to juggle” a million times...

I’ve just never had the balls to actually try it.

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Netflix Just Announced 'The Cloverfield Paradox' Is Premiering Tonight

Netflix Just Announced 'The Cloverfield Paradox' Is Premiering Tonight
The third movie in the "Cloverfield" anthology (and maybe prequel to the first?) made its debut on Netflix right after the Super Bowl.

February 5, 2018 at 12:43PM
via Digg http://ift.tt/2EG9yKr

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A trick with a tie

Son: Dad! I learned an awesome new trick at school in science class. Can I borrow your tie?

Dad: Let's see it.

Son: if we fold your tie in half, and roll the fat end toward the middle, and the thin end toward the middle, we have two rolls - one big and one small, both the same length, right?

Well, if I hold up the tie from the middle, and let go of both sides at the same time, which side will unroll first?

Dad: I have no idea.

Son (drops both ends, which open at the same time):

It's a tie, dad.

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*Tips fedora at mosquito*

M'laria

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Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?

You have to be alive to have autism.

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I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants.

But he is not buying it, in fact he is still making fun of me.

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A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday..

A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales Clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 35," was the reply.

"I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.

After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "Oh you look about 29."

"I am actually 47!"

This makes him feel really good.

While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age."

As there was no one around, the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later the old lady says, "OK, it's done. You are 47."

Stunned the man says, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?"

The old lady replies, "I was behind you in McDonalds."

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