Donald Glover Has Always Been Ten Steps Ahead

Donald Glover Has Always Been Ten Steps Ahead
Right now everyone in Hollywood wishes they were Donald Glover.

February 7, 2018 at 10:30PM
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"Sir, you'll need to leave, you can't pee in the pool."

"But everyone pees in the pool!"

"Yes, but not from the diving board."

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A cowboy walks into a saloon and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman…

He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No", he replies, "I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

The cowboy explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."

The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"

"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties."

The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!"

The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says, "Damn thing's an hour fast."

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I got an F in arithmetic

Boy: "I got an F in arithmetic." Father: "Why?" Boy: "The teacher asked 'How much is 2×3?' and I said '6'" Father: "But that's right!" Boy: "Then she asked me 'How much is 3×2?'" Father: "What's the fucking difference?" Boy: "That's exactly what I said!"

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I was going to donate blood today, but they always ask waaaay too many personal questions

Like, "who's blood is this", and "where did you get it?"

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A wife walks in on her husband playing on his PlayStation.

"The house is still filthy! I thought I asked you to sweep the house!" she says.

"I did" replied the husband, "I found no hostiles"

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I’m seriously thinking about re-marrying my ex-wife…

But I’m pretty sure she’ll figure out I’m just after my money...

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