What should you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?

Run, there's a live grenade in her mouth.

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A guy walks into a Muslim bookstore wearing a Make America Great Again hat...

As he was wandering around taking a look, the clerk asked if he could help the man find anything.   “Do you have a copy of Donald Trump’s book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and illegal aliens?”   The clerk said, “Kiss my ass… get out… and stay out!”   The man said, “Yes, that’s the one.  Do you have it in paperback?”

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[NSFW] A man dies and arrives in Hell naked.....

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When I said to my teacher,I had 26 pets, didn't believe me. So I showed her a picture of my fish tank.

Teacher freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.

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What's the best part about being 100 years old?

No peer pressure.

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I'm halfway through becoming a stand up comedian

I can stand up, now all I need is comedy

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A couple goes to a sex therapist..

A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.

When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.

Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"

"We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied. "She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50...and I get $43 back from Medicare

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