Donald trump and Queen

Donald Trump is meeting The Queen, and he says to her:

“As I'm the President, I'm thinking of changing how the country is referred to, and I'm thinking that it should be a Kingdom."

To which the Queen replies. ‘I'm sorry Mr Trump, but to be a Kingdom, you have to have a King in charge - and you're not a King."

Donald Trump thought a while and then said: "How about a Principality then?" to which the Queen replied, "Again, to be a Principality you have to be a Prince - and you're not a Prince, Mr Trump”

Trump thought long and hard and came up with, "How about an Empire then?" The Queen, getting a little pissed off by now replied, " Sorry again, Mr Trump, but to be an Empire you must have an Emperor in charge - and you are not an Emperor."

Before Trump could utter another word, The Queen said: "I think you're doing quite nicely as a Country."

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Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in cuba for $1.50 and in jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?

Those are the pie rates of the carribean.

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The Earth used to be flat,

but then they burried yo mama.

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A man walks into a bar and sees Hitler and Stalin.

A man walks into a bar and sees Hitler and Stalin at a table. He asks them what they were doing and was told that they were planning WW3. Hitler says, "We are going to kill 15 million jews, and a bicycle repairman." The man, confused asks, "Why the bicycle repairman?" Hitler turns to Stalin and tells him, "See? I told you no one would care about the 15 million Jews!"

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TIL that a school of piranhas can strip all the flesh off of a child's body in less than a minute...

On the downside, I lost my job at the aquarium...

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*Sweatshirts*

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue "Y" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green "M" on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor. "No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?"

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My Lesbian Neighbours Asked Me...

My Lesbian neighbours Eva and Julia asked me to help them conceive a child recently. They said they wouldn't mind if we did it the "old fashioned way" as they were pretty outgoing. For 3 months now we've been trying but I just don't have the heart to tell them I had a vasectomy last year...

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