I said, “ Scissors, I win” and drove off.
I think he wants a re-match he’s been chasing me for 45 minutes.
Thứ Ba, 13 tháng 2, 2018
A woman cheats on her Husband.
A woman cheats on her husband after years of happy marriage. Realising her mistake, she starts praying to God:
"God, I know I did a bad thing But my marriage is the only thing that makes me happy. Please don't let my husband find out."
She hears a voice from above: Okay my child it will be. But the only condition is, years from now you're going to die by drowning.
The woman agrees. The next years of her life become wonderful. She even wins the lottery and starts a successful business. Forgetting her conversation with God, she books a vacation on a cruise ship. During her cruise, the ship starts sinking. Remembering her faith, she starts praying to God again: "God, you're not gonna drown a whole ship full of people because of me right?
She hears a familiar voice once again: "Are you kidding me? I've been gathering you whores for years"
Thứ Hai, 12 tháng 2, 2018
On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife.
The certificate was for a consultation with a medicine man living in a nearby village who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction. The husband went to the village and saw the medicine man.
The old medicine man gave him a potion and, with a firm grip on his shoulder, warned "This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say: ‘1-2-3.' When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want.”
The man thanked the medicine man, and as he walked away, he turned and asked: “How do I stop the medicine from working?" "Your partner must say ‘1-2-3-4'", he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon.”
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.
When she came in, he took off his clothes and said: "1-2-3!” Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and asked: "What was the 1-2-3 for?”
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.
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