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Thứ Hai, 12 tháng 2, 2018

Afternoon Sex

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighbourhood activities. “There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted. He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation: "An ambulance just drove by!" "Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out. "Matt's riding a new bike!" "Looks like the Sanders are moving!" "Jason is on his skate board!" After a few moments he announced, "The Coopers are having sex!!" Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously called out, "How do you know they're having sex?" "Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle."

Why did the vegan cross the road?

To tell somebody else that he's a vegan.

The car of the future is taking shape—and it will know how we feel about it


The car of the future is taking shape—and it will know how we feel about it
Love it or hate it, CES is where you see the future of the automobile.

February 12, 2018 at 01:49AM
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My boyfriend is getting me a dildo cast from his own penis for Valentine's day...

We're only doing small gifts this year.

A lady walks into a pet store...

She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBO The lady asks the pet shop owner, "Why so cheap?" The owner says "This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things." The lady can't pass up the deal and decides to get the bird anyway. She gets the bird home and the first thing the bird says is "Finally cleaned up this dump, and the new madam isn't bad looking." The lady finds it amusing. Her two teen daughters get home and the bird says "New whores in the house, business will be booming tonight." The girls are shocked but laugh it off. A few hours later the woman's husband gets home and the bird says "Hey Jim."

After my wife died, I haven't been able to look at other women for 10 years...

But now that I'm out of prison I can honestly say that it was worth it.