I bought my friend an elephant for his room

He said, "Thank you"

I said, "Don't mention it"

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Neil Armstrong used to tell really bad jokes about walking on the Moon.

When nobody laughed he would follow with, "Ah well. I guess you had to be there."

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I like my woman like I like my Laptop

On my lap , turned on ,Virus free

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How many times do redditors laugh at a joke?

Twice: once when they read it, once when they post it.

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Bill Gates and Elon Musk should team up and make a medicine to cure erectile dysfunction

And name it "Elon-Gate"

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I just got fired for something that I didn't do...

my job.

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To the guy who's been tailgating me for the last half hour: Fuck you.

I'm already doing 20 mph over the speed limit.

 

Oh, and turn off those flashing lights on your roof, you look ridiculous.

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