“Alright men,” the official begins, “we’ve tried out a lot of pension plans in the past and none of them have worked out. At this point, we’re winging it. We’re going to measure between two points of your body, and whatever the distance is in inches, that’s how many thousand dollars you’ll get. So think about what two points of your body are furthest apart and we’ll get started.”
The first soldier to be measured is pretty tall, so he requests that the measurement be taken from the top of his head to the bottom of his feet. The man with the measuring tape says “73 inches, that’ll be 73 thousand dollars.” The soldier receives his check and goes home.
The second soldier has long arms, so he requests that he be measured from one fingertip to the other with his arms outstretched. It’s 74 inches. He gets his check and goes home.
The third soldier is a grizzled old sergeant whose face is pockmarked with scars. As the measurer approaches he says “I want you to measure from the front of my pecker to the back of my balls.”
“Listen,” the VA official tells him, “I really think you should reconsider. You’ve got your future to think about.” The old sergeant stays firm in his request and pulls down his pants.
The measurer approaches with the tape but pauses upon inspecting the sergeant’s undercarriage. “Sir,” he says, “where are your balls?”
“Vietnam.”
Edit: a word
