What´s the difference between an irish funeral and an irish wedding?

At the funeral one person isnt drinking

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I asked my grandpa..

I asked my grandpa: “After 65 years you still call grandma darling, beautiful and honey. What’s the secret?”

Grandpa: “I forgot her name 5 years ago and I’m scared to ask her.”

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A schoolboy rescues President Trump

A schoolboy walking home from school see Donald Trump drowning in a pond. He dives him and saves him.

The president is very grateful and offers him a gift as a reward.

"All I want is a wheelchair" says the boy.

“A wheelchair? Why do you need a wheelchair?” the president asks.

“Well,” the boy explains, “when my old man finds out I rescued you from drowning, he's gonna break both my legs.”

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I've never understood how the Nazis couldn't find where Anne Frank was hiding

I've been to Amsterdam... There are signs pointing to her house everywhere.

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Wife: I am having an affair

Me: handing the menu to the waiter
-I'll have the affair as well.

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My son wanted to know what it's like to be married

I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.

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9/10 people.

Accordion to research, 9/10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.

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