His funfair will be hello on sundial
Thứ Hai, 26 tháng 2, 2018
A mathematician wasn't too confident about his appearance...
So he asked his friend to compare his good looks in terms he could understand.
After little thought his friend says: "You're about as good looking as you are bad looking."
"Well that's just mean."
Chủ Nhật, 25 tháng 2, 2018
This morning, my wife was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast and as I walked in, she turned to me and said, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!" My eyes lit up and I thought, "This is my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I didn't waste any time at all and I gave her a banging right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards, she said, "Thanks." and returned to the stove.
More than a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She chuckled, "The egg timer's broken."
Barry worked on a farm
He was absolutely obsessed with farm machinery, particularly tractors. He loved working on them, driving them, ploughing with them, and at the end of the day cleaning them.
His room was filled with tractor posters, he often completed puzzles of tractors, built and painted small model tractors. He even dreamed of working at the tractor factory, so he could build the tractors. The only think Barry loved more than tractors was his dog Harold.
One day, Barry was reversing his tractor out of the shed, when Harold darted out of the farm house chasing a pig. Barry slammed the brakes, but it was too late, he'd flattened Harold.
Barry was distraught, he ran through the farm house tearing down all his posters, smashing his models, upending the puzzles he had spent hours working on. He vowed never to look at a tractor again.
Barry sold the farm and moved to the city, he found a job at a small diner, and forgot all about his past.
Barry had worked at the diner for over a year, and been promoted to head chef. A regular customer always complained the fries were too dry, so Barry had the great idea to install a new fryer. The day of the delivery came, and Barry was so excited, he filled the fryer with oil and switched it on. No sooner had he done so, than the whole thing set alight, filling the entire diner with thick black smoke. Customers were screaming, children were running around terrified trying to find an exit.
Just then, Barry stood on the counter and sucked up all the black smoke. He turned to the window and blew all the smoke outside, the customers were then able to find the exit and everyone made a safe escape.
When the fire brigade finally arrived and had put out the fire, the fire chief approach Barry and asked "how on earth did you do that?". Barry replied "it was nothing, I'm an ex-tractor fan".
Two men are drinking in a bar
They pull out the sandwiches their wives had lovingly prepared and tuck in.
The bartender comes over and says "you can't eat your own food in here"
So they swapped sandwiches.
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