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Thứ Năm, 1 tháng 3, 2018

A man stayed late at the pub after work when he got a call from his wife

Wife: "I've cooked your dinner and if you're not back in 10 minutes I'm going to feed it to the dog!"

Man: "Hey, it's not his fault!"

The pub is ten minutes from my house...

However, my house is two hours from the pub...

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

Ones a Goodyear while the others a great year.

The People's History of John Leguizamo


The People's History of John Leguizamo
John Leguizamo has a simple question: Where are all the Latin people in Hollywood?

March 1, 2018 at 02:51AM
via Digg http://ift.tt/2oD787O

Just been challenged to a water fight by next doors brat kids...

Popped on here to check messages while the kettle boils.

It's the First World War, and a French Battalion and a German Battalion face each other in the trenches.

It's a rather slow day, and the Krauts sit bored in their trenches. Then, a young corporal speaks: "We really need to kill more frenchies! What can we do to lure them out?" A young recruit asks, "What is a typical french name?" Another answers, "Pierre." The young recruit gets up, puts his rifle on the edge of the trench, aims, then shouts, "Pierre!!" From the other trench, a blue helmed head pops up, and answeres, "Oui?" Bang! The frenchman falls over dead. The german shouts again, "Pierre!!" Another french man looks up, asking "Oui?" Bang! He is dead as well. This continues for another half an hour, with the germans having a whale of a good time.

The french commanders stick their heads together. "This can't continue! Our men are dying like flies!" "Can't we turn that tactic on them, as well?" The french think. "What's a typical German name?" "Erich." They decide to try it out immediatly. They send a soldier out with their new master plan. He get's his rifle, nervously peeks out of the trench at the german line, then shouts: "Erich!!" Nothing happens. He shouts again, "Erich!!" Still, no answer. Slightly annoyed, he shouts louder. "ERICH!!"

From the other side, a german voice in french asks, "Is that you, Pierre?" The french soldier looks up, "Oui!!", Bang , and get's shot.

A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket and thinks

“Some asshole has got my pen.”