Everything
Thứ Ba, 6 tháng 3, 2018
Thứ Hai, 5 tháng 3, 2018
Father: “Son, you were adopted.”
Son: “What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"
Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.”
The contestants of the Nashville beauty pageant enter the stage.
Infront of them is an audience of over 2000 and a judging panel consisting of one man, on his own, wearing an eyepatch.
Suddenly, the judge thrusts his arm out infront of him. He opens his hand out, and there, sitting in the middle of his palm is a bee staring intensely at the contestants on stage.
A minute or so passes and the bee buzzes its wings. The judge leans forward and angles his ear towards the bee. He nods his head in agreement, lifts his other arm up and points directly at contestant six.
A voice booms over the audience, "Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner. CONTESTANT 6...PLEASE STEP FORWARD!!"
A barely audible round of applause is heard as contestant 6 waddles her way to the front of the stage. Shes 300lb, a short, hairy, sweaty mess of a woman.
Contestant 2 turns to contestant 3 and says, "What kind of pageant is this!? It doesn't seem to matter what you look like!"
Contestant 3 looks at her and replies, "I guess beauty is in the eye of the bee holder".
So a little kid is going through his mothers purse and takes out her drivers lincense...
....his mother catches him reading it and mildly scolds him
the kid says "but i learned so much about you from it"
she says "well, ok, what did you learn about me"
"well, says the kid... "i know your age now"
"and what is that?" says his mother
"you're old" says the kid
"and i learned your height"
"which is?' says the mother
"your really tall" he says
"well, yes, i am tall for a woman"
"and, i learned your weight" he says
"and what is that?" asks the mother
"a lot for a woman your height" the kids says
the mother sighs and says "well, that's not nice, but i can't argue that"
"and" the kid says "i know why dad divorced you"
"Huh? what?" says the mother, "how on earth did you get that from a drivers license"
"because, you got an f in sex"
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