My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding. She kicked over the table, stormed out of the room and shouted that she’s never...

...playing Scrabble with me again.

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I heard that they have dogs now that can smell if you've got cancer

That must be the most depressing dog ever to take on a walk. "Your dog really likes me" "I'm so sorry."

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My wife asked me why I carry around a gun in the house.

And I answered, because of the decepticons!

She laughed, I laughed, Alexa laughed, I shot Alexa.

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What did the EA say to ubisoft?

You must purchase the r/jokes season pass to see this

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For Two Months, I Got My News From Print Newspapers. Here’s What I Learned.

For Two Months, I Got My News From Print Newspapers. Here’s What I Learned.
Turning off the buzzing breaking-news machine I carry in my pocket was like unshackling myself from a monster who had me on speed dial, always ready to break into my day with half-baked bulletins.

March 7, 2018 at 08:29PM
via Digg http://ift.tt/2I9kb9V

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So far we have four inches of snow on the ground.

Or as my husband would say...seven inches.

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Just slept with a species from another genus.

No Homo.

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