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Thứ Năm, 8 tháng 3, 2018
For Two Months, I Got My News From Print Newspapers. Here’s What I Learned.
For Two Months, I Got My News From Print Newspapers. Here’s What I Learned.
Turning off the buzzing breaking-news machine I carry in my pocket was like unshackling myself from a monster who had me on speed dial, always ready to break into my day with half-baked bulletins.
March 7, 2018 at 08:29PM
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An Ottawa man dies and goes to hell.
When he gets there, the devil comes over to welcome him. The devil then says, “Sometimes it gets pretty uncomfortable down here.” The man says, “No problem. I’m from Ottawa.”
So the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 100, and the humidity up to 80. He then goes back to the Ottawa man to see how he’s doing. To the devil’s surprise, the man is doing just fine. “No problem…just like Ottawa in June,” the man says.
So the devil goes back over to the thermostat, and turns the temperature up to 150, and the humidity up to 90. He then goes back over to see how the Ottawa man is doing. The man is sweating a little, but overall looks comfortable. “No problem. Just like Ottawa in July,” the man says.
So now the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 200, and the humidity up to 100. When he goes back to see how the man is doing, the man is sweating profusely, and has taken his shirt off. Otherwise, he seems OK. He says, “No problem. Just like Ottawa in August.”
Now the devil is really perplexed. So he goes back to the thermostat, and turns the temperature down to MINUS 150 DEGREES. Immediately, all the humidity in the air freezes up, and the whole place (meaning Hell) becomes a frigid, barren, frozen, deathly cold wasteland.
When he goes back now to see how the Ottawa man is doing, he is shocked to discover the man is jumping up and down, and cheering in obvious delight. The devil immediately asks the man what’s going on. To which the Ottawa man replies…..
“THE SENATORS WON THE STANLEY CUP!!!”
“THE SENATORS WON THE STANLEY CUP!!!”
An Italian guy is out picking up women in Rome
An Italian guy is out picking up women in Rome. While at his favorite bar, he manages to attract one rather attractive-looking blonde.
They go back to his place, and sure enough, they go at it. After a long while, he climaxes. Then he rolls over, lights up a cigarette and asks her, “So… you finish?”
After a short pause, she replies, “No.”
Surprised, but pleasantly, he puts out his cigarette, rolls back on top of her, and has his way with her again, this time lasting even longer than the first. Again he rolls over, lights a cigarette, and asks, “So… you finish?”
And again, after a short pause, she just says “No.”
Stunned, but still acting reflexively on his macho pride, he once again puts out the cigarette and entertains his companion du jour. This time, with all the strength he can muster up, he barely manages to end the task, but he does, after expending quite a lot of time and energy.
Barely able to roll over, he reaches for his cigarette, lights it again, and then asks tiredly, “So… you finish?”
“No. I’m Swedish.”
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