To the guy who hacked my reddit account...

I'm onto you, I WILL find you, and I WILL kill you.

Edit: No you won't

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What do spinach and anal sex have in common?

You'll hate it as an adult if you were forced to have it as a kid.

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I don't always tell Dad jokes,

but when I do, he tells me to get my fucking life together and stop being a disappointment.

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I've just discovered I have a logic fetish

I can't stop coming to conclusions

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I hate when people don't leave a suicide note.

Would it kill them to write few sentences?

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She didn’t realize tapping him on the shoulder would scare him

Last week a passenger in a cab, leaned over and tapped the driver to get his attention

The driver screamed and lost control, almost hit a bus and drove over a curb

For a few moments everything was quiet and then the scared shitless can driver asked if the women was alright

She said “yeah but I didn’t know a tap on the shoulder would scare you that badly”

The driver said ”I’m sorry it was my fault, today is my first day as a cab driver, I’ve been driving a hearse for 25 years”

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As an Aussie, Americans are always asking me where in Australia there *isn’t* something trying to kill you...

“School” is my answer

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