Light blue.
Chủ Nhật, 18 tháng 3, 2018
Wife: You’re shirtless?
Me: Yes
Wife: And also covered in ... oil?
Me: Well, you know how you always say I never glisten?
Wife: Listen! You never listen!
Me: Ohh
It was Friday night. Frank, Jim and Ed were at the game ready to watch 26 infected zombie girls tear each other to pieces.
Tied around the inside of the arena, the infected girls are labelled A-Z, with fresh meat tied to their backs to entice them to fight. The winner is the last one standing.
Over 50,000 spectators watch from the stands behind a wire fence, betting slips in hand and eager for the fight to begin.
3...3...3...
2...2... 2...
1... 1... 1...
The foghorn sounds and they are released!
The infected zombie girls CHARGE into the arena. The girl labelled 'E' is taken out, then 'B' and 'K' both taken down.
The fight is pushed towards the edge of the arena. They smash into the fence and it gives way. The infected zombie girls break free into the crowd!
"Oh SHIT!", shouts Frank, "LET'S GO!" And he points to the scaffolding further up the stands.
Frank and Jim ascend the scaffolding and reach the top. They look into the arena as the entire crowd of spectators is completely devoured by these terrifying creatures.
Ed is stuck at the bottom, he's simply to big to climb. They watch as one of the infected girls labelled 'S' sprints at Ed faster than a bullet and consumes him in the blink of an eye.
All 50,000 spectators were dead, all accept Frank and Jim.
"Fuckin' hell Frank", says Jim, "That 'S' gal ate Ed quickly"
So there God was creating the earth.
So there God was creating the earth. Along comes the archangel Michael and starts to get curious. "What are you makin', there?" "I'm designing the earth. A wonderful planet of perfect balance." God smiles.
"Balance?" Michael asked confused.... "How so?"
"Well, have a look. You see the two ends? They're cold, but the middle is very warm. So it balances out." God could see that Michael almost got it. "See how she spins. That gives half of it light and the other half dark. Always changing, but always balanced." Michael smiled finally getting it. That's when a little green island caught his eye. "What's that island?"
With this, God put on an even bigger smile. "She's a beauty, isn't see? That's Ireland. Perfect weather, perfect hunting and fishing, the best beer and the most beautiful girls in the world." Michael was impressed but said. "Its amazing, but how do you balance out something so wonderful?
God shrugged. "I put it next to England."
Happy St. Paddy's to all
Ex-FBI deputy director Andrew McCabe fired
Ex-FBI deputy director Andrew McCabe fired
Attorney General Jeff Sessions fired former FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe late Friday, less than two days shy of his retirement. McCabe had more recently been regularly taunted by President Donald Trump and besieged by accusations that he had misled internal investigators at the Justice Department.
March 17, 2018 at 09:50AM
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