How many 99%ers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None! Ha! We can’t change anything....

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They laughed at me when I said I will become a comedian

Well, they are not laughing now....

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A boy says to his dad, "Why do they say gardeners have got green fingers when their fingers aren't green?"

His dad replies, "It's just a saying, son. It's like when someone is caught stealing something, they say that they've been caught red-handed', even though their hands are actually black."...

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Dark

I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45.    It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery....

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This One-Handed Catcher's Throwing Technique Is So Smooth, We Almost Didn't Notice It

This One-Handed Catcher's Throwing Technique Is So Smooth, We Almost Didn't Notice It How much practice did this take? Because he's got it down. April 3, 2018 at 01:24AM via Digg https://ift.tt/2pYTj...

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Donald Trump dies and when he gets to hell he sees the Devil

The Devil says to him, "Donald we've been expecting you. Unfortunately we are full right now and don't have room for you. But if you want I'll show you three rooms I could make available to you." Trump agrees and the Devil opens the door to the first room and they see Richard Nixon endlessly diving into a pool of water and getting out. Over and over again. That is how he is spending eternity. Trump says, "Well I can't do that. That would mess up my hair." On they go. The Devil opens the door to the second room and there is Ronald Reagan swinging...

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How about an Indian joke?

A nice Indian woman gets up mid-flight to the US and shouts "Is there a doctor here?" A nice, serious guy approaches her quickly and tells her: "I am. What is the problem?" She replies: "Do you want to meet my daughter?"...

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