So the Belgians are pissed...

The king of Belgium is fed up that the Dutch make jokes about how dumb Belgians are. He goes to King Willem, of the Netherlands, and demands that the Dutch should do something stupid, so that the Belgians can laugh at the Dutch. Willem wants to maintain good relations so he says; "meh, we will build a bridge in the Sahara". The king of Belgium approves and so it happens; the Dutch build a bridge in the desert.

They became the laughing stock of the world. The king of Belgium is pleased and says to king Willem:"Ha ha that was funny, you can remove the bridge.

King Willem responds: "We can't, there are Belgians on the bridge trying to fish."

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Stalin is giving a speech in front of a large audience.

Suddenly, he's interrupted by a loud sneeze. Stalin stops talking and asks in an ominous tone: "Who just sneezed?" The audience is silent.

"Very well," says Stalin. "We'll do it my way, and believe me, I will identify the sneezer." The audience dares not speak.

"Very well," says Stalin. "First row stand up," Everybody in the first row does as they are told. Then Stalin says, "Guards, open fire!"

A dozen NKVD guards execute everyone in the first row.

"Now," says Stalin, "I ask once again, who sneezed." The crowd is silent once again.

"Second row, stand up," says Stalin, and everybody in the second row rises.

"Guards open fire!" and once again, the NKVD guards shoot the entire second row.

Stalin then says: "We'll keep going, until the sneezer comes forward."

Suddenly, there is a voice in the crowd. "I sneezed, Comrade Stalin."

"It was you, Comrade?" asks Stalin inquisitively.

"Yes, Comrade Stalin."

"Well then, bless you Comrade" says Stalin and then resumes his speech.

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Why do blind people hate skydiving?

It scares the hell out of their dogs.

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Who I am?

Boy: The principal is so dumb!

Girl: Do you know who I am?

Boy: No...

Girl: I am the principal's daughter!

Boy: Do you know who I am?

Girl: No...

Boy: Good! Walks away

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In a crowded city at a bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt, with matching tight leather boots and jacket...

As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

Again, she tried to make the step onto the bus, only to discover she still couldn't!

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, still she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.

With a coy little smile to the driver, she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.

About this time, a big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.

Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!"

At this, the Texan drawled, "Well ma'am normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."

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A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"

"Don't worry," said the doc. "those are just contractions."

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Genders are like the twin towers

There used to be 2 of them but now it's a touchy subject

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